The Invisible Guests...

Mom always loved having pictures of family close to her and hung framed photographs in every room of her house.  My bedroom was the Sears portrait gallery, which displayed at least ten years of family members systematically arranged with the tallest in the back, spouses standing beside them, and Mom and Dad seated on chairs in front with the grandchildren on their laps.  Eventually the grandchildren became too big for laps and were given a position in front of their parents on either side of Grandmother and Grandfather.

My sister’s room was the Scouting room and had framed snapshots of the family at Philmont Scout Ranch, my dad wearing his Order of the Arrow sash, and my sister in the navy blue suit of a Scout Executive.  Those images always brought back fond memories.

The family room was reserved for engagement and wedding pictures.  Mom’s engagement portrait was one of my favorites - she looked so slender and elegant.  No wonder Dad fell so deeply in love with her. 

Most of the pictures on the walls and bookshelves were from days early in our family history, and I thought it would be a great idea to give her a digital picture frame so she could continually view pictures of recent Christmases, my niece’s college graduation, or the trip to Scotland with us.  So, I filled a frame with dozens of happy shots of familiar faces and gave it to her on one of my visits home.  She seemed pleased at first, and we plugged it in for prominent display next to her easy chair.  I tried to engage her in reminiscing about the pictures, but was puzzled when she seemed uninterested and turned her gaze away and refused to talk about the pictures.

The next morning, I found the picture frame had been unplugged.  I plugged it back in and reset the slide show, only to find it turned toward the wall the next day.  I quietly turned it back around, but began to wonder why Mom was so uncomfortable with the frame.  For some reason, she was not as enthralled with the gift as I had imagined she would be.

As we were having breakfast the following morning, I asked Mom how she slept, and she replied, “Well, I was up most of the night trying to find places to sleep for all these people.”  She waved her arm vaguely in the direction of the family room.  It suddenly hit me that she thought that the constantly changing faces on the digital picture frame were guests in her home, and being the hospitable hostess, she wanted to offer them a place to sleep.

A few months later, Mom said the faces in the pictures hanging on her walls made her “hear voices in her head,” and in one momentous decision, she removed all the pictures from the walls and bookshelves, stowing some of them under the guest bed; sleeping with another one under her pillow; and throwing others in the trash.  One of the home healthcare aides rescued the heirloom photo of my father as a baby and secretly took it home with her for safekeeping.  Mom had thrown that picture in the trash completely oblivious to the fact that it was a treasured piece of her husband’s history.

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It is not uncommon for Alzheimer’s patients to mistake photos as reality, much like they do with television stories.  Hallucinations and voices and sounds and smells that no one else can detect also become a part of reality for them.   

Over the next two years, the aides reported that Mom saw people standing in her living room or peering in the windows at her.  Often the images upset her, but sometimes she just seemed nonchalant about their presence, as if it were an everyday occurrence and that the invisible guests belonged in her house.  On occasion she thought my father had come to visit her and that two little girls – probably my sister and I – were running through the house laughing. 

The past and the present… the real and the imagined… all become merged into a new reality for Alzheimer’s individuals.  This reality is so profound that they cannot be swayed to believe otherwise.  It is a bewildering and confusing world for both the parent and the caregiver.          

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"A Bandaid for the Caregiver" is dedicated to all those families who journey with memory loss in their lives and the sharing of hope and joy and new possibilities.  In each difficult moment there lies an opportunity for love.

Journey with courage,

Elaine

Author:    "Conversations with Nora: a Family's Journal with Alzheimer's" 

 

THE BANDAID BOX…

Believe in the unseen because your loved one does.  Embrace the idea that many of the things we hold dear in life – love, faith, justice, truth – are not tangible until someone makes them prescient in the life of another.  Be the love that touches your parent.  Keep hope alive with a faith that burns brightly.  Practice righteousness and truth.  Your parent will not be able to name these things, but will feel their strength in your life, and benefit from the security it brings them.  

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 1:11

“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”  H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (1940 -    )

 

STAYING ACTIVE…

Physical activity will help Mom and Dad deal more easily with fear, anxiety and hallucinations. Establish a routine of periods of physical activity with periods of rest. Setting a schedule, a sort of rhythm of the day and night, helps Alzheimer’s individuals feel secure.

If your parent is able to walk, there are many things to look forward to every day: go for a walk outdoors, have playtime with a pet, or move the clothes from the washer into the dryer.  Helping around the house is a great ego booster because Dad feels great having helped around the house.  Don’t forget to say thank you and to lavish praise on his accomplishments.   

 

TREAT YOURSELF…

Give your body a tune-up with “Super Foods.” WedMd recommends a daily dose of:

• Blueberries – lower your risk of heart disease and cancer
• Omega-3 rich fish – reduces depression
• Soy – lowers cholesterol and regulates sugar levels
• Fiber – aids in weight loss because you feel fuller
• Tea – lowers cholesterol and inhibits growth of cancer cells
• Calcium – builds strong bones and reduces risk of osteoporosis
• Dark chocolate – Yes!  Dark chocolate has 8 times the anti-oxidants as strawberries and is a mood elevator.   

Read more at http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/10-everyday-super-foods.

Gentle Reminder:

Your body won’t take care of itself.  You have to take care of your body in order to take care of your loved ones.  Consider yourself a loved one!

IN THE NEWS…

Treat or Ignore Dementia-related Hallucinations?

http://www.everydayhealth.com/alzheimers/specialists/treat-or-ignore-dementia-related-hallucinations.aspx

SAFETY TIPS…

Emotional safety is a big issue for Alzheimer’s patients. There is so little that they can control or understand in their lives, and anything that can make Mom feel secure is worth trying. 

• Simplifying the surroundings usually has a positive effect.  Mom may be upset by all the people she perceives are in her house.  Removing photographs of people may help her reach a state of calm. 
• Mirrors may also make her think there is someone else with her in the bathroom or dining room. The mirror above the dresser can also be a problem. If they cannot be removed, cover them with large landscape pictures.  

ABOUT ALZHEIMER’S…  

My Mom wanted to talk about the people that she saw in her house. We encouraged her to tell us about the little girls running through her living room and the conversations she had with my dear father. We never confronted her with the facts that the little girls were now grown with children of their own and that Dad had passed many years ago.  She was quite content to live in an alternate world when we accepted that she saw things that we could not.

Hallucinations are false perceptions most often manifested in one of the five senses.  Dad may literally “sense” something that isn’t there by seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, or feeling an object.  He might see and talk to friends who aren’t there or smell a food he enjoyed as a child; and when asked about it, he is most emphatic they these sensations are real.

These images and sensations are not harmful to Dad, so don’t make a big deal out it.  Certainly, refrain from telling him that he is having a conversation with the wall.  Most psychologists will tell you to redirect these behaviors by distracting or redirecting Dad to another topic or activity.

For more information on strategies for coping with hallucinations read  “Dealing With Hallucinations and Delusions in Alzheimer’s” at

http://www.everydayhealth.com/alzheimers/alzheimers-hallucinations-and-delusions.aspx