She seemed so fragile and small curled up in a ball on top of the sheets. Her hair had not been cut in some time and fell across her face. She tried to brush it away from her eyes, but her hands were shaking too much. I pulled it away from her sunken eyes and kissed her cheek.
My sister and I had been called to come. I flew down from Maryland, picked up my sister and drove six hours across the West Texas desert to get to her. We didn't stop to check in to the hotel, but drove straight to the Alzheimer's center. The nurses suggested that we go in one at a time, and my sister went first. When she came out ten minutes later, she was visibly shaken and said, “It’s really bad,” before breaking down in tears. I held her for a few minutes and then walked into Mom’s darkened room. My sister’s tears only partially prepared me for the condition of my mother.
I was encouraged that Mom knew me on sight and called me by name, but the frightened and pleading tone in her voice weakened my knees. I had never seen my mother so desperately ill and so close to death. “God give me strength to hold back my tears and steady my voice,” was my ever constant prayer as I stroked her hands, almost willing them be still. I assured her that the doctor was on his way to help her.
We learned that this was the first time that the doctor had ever been summoned for her and anxiously awaited his arrival. We took turns at her bedside until he arrived a few hours later and immediately declared that she was dehydrated. He called for an ambulance and she was swiftly transported to the emergency room and admitted into the hospital. Five weeks later she was gone.
* * *
Dehydration is one of those things that seems almost mundane, but can be so deadly. It is often times overlooked in the daily care routine of the elderly, and is particularly vital to those with memory loss. Mom did not know she was thirsty and did not ask for anything to drink, nor did the nursing staff think to monitor her intake and maintain her hydration level.
Being long distance caregivers, we had placed our trust in the center to look after Mom, and I was dumbfounded that something as simple as seeing that she drank a glass of water every few hours had been overlooked. However, dehydration and dementia have similar symptoms, and dehydration can disguise itself as an Alzheimer’s patient’s “normal” behavior and condition.
* * *
“A Bandaid for the Caregiver” is dedicated to all those families who journey with memory loss in their lives and the sharing of hope and joy and new possibilities. In each difficult moment there lies an opportunity for love.
Journey with courage,
Elaine
THE BANDAID BOX…
Journey with courage,
Elaine
When it seems as though all of life is rushing by in a torrent of floodwaters tumbling over everything in its path, know that calm waters do lie ahead. With a disease like Alzheimer’s, there are many days that seem impossible to bear, followed by periods of calmness. Claim those times of quietness for yourself and be refreshed by the gentleness of the moment.
“He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.” Psalm 23: 2-3
Get Dad outside! Ask him to help you water the grass or the flowerbeds. There is something energizing about being out in nature. Go for a short walk, if he is up to it. If not, just pull a chair up on the porch and watch the cars and people going by, count the squirrels and robins, and watch for the schoolbus to go by.
Find a small task around the house and make it permanently Mom’s responsibility. Possibilities include loading the dishwasher, straightening the magazines on the coffee table, moving the clothes from the washer into the dryer... being sure to match her physical and mental abilities with the task.
TREAT YOURSELF…
Since water is the theme of this week’s blog, here are some ways to treat yourself using water!
Take an extra long shower or soak in the tub. Enjoy scented shower gels and oils to soothe away the stresses of the day. Indulge in a foot soak, massage and pedicure.
Plan a day out-of-doors centered around water. Go to the lake and relax on the shoreline. Visit a fountain in your town and take a few minutes to enjoy the sound of falling water. Take a trip to the shore - if one is from New Jersey – or the beach - if one is from the South.
Spend time in your craft area experimenting with watercolors. Lose yourself in a creative moment.
Gentle Reminder:
Water is Nature’s ultimate cleanser, capable of washing away all your tears. Cry when you need to, and then let cooling water wash over you, and face the world again with a fresh outlook!
IN THE NEWS…
Who’ll Care for Dad?
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2000/11/05/who-ll-care-for-dad.html
CAREGIVER TIPS…
Recognizing the signs and symptoms of dehydration can help Mom avoid ER visits and potential life threatening organ failure. Water is necessary to keep the body functioning. Fluids transport nutrients, prevent constipation, and regulate body temperature. Here are some caregiver tips for keeping Mom well hydrated…
- Remember that many foods are also high in fluids: juice, milk, herb tea, popsicles, ice cream, yogurt, and pudding. Most fruits and vegetables are high in water content and should be a part of the daily diet.
- Offer Mom fluids throughout the day, not only at meal time or with medications.
- Make fluids easily accessible in the refrigerator door or on the table next to her chair or bed.
- Verbally encourage intake of fluids.
- Supervise and encourage Mom while she drinks, particularly if she has difficulty swallowing.
ABOUT ALZHEIMER’S…
Because the signs and symptoms of dehydration often mimic dementia, it is easy to overlook. When Mom or Dad begin to complain of a dry mouth, become fatigued, have muscle weakness and dizziness, the culprit may be not enough intake of fluids. When Mom seems more confused than usual and begins to breathe rapidly, it is time to call the doctor. Sunken eyes, fever, delirium, unconsciousness or not having urinated in an 8-hour period are signs that warrant a call to 9-1-1.
Dad may not be taking in enough fluids in the late afternoon or evening for fear of incontinence during the night. It is important to pay attention to other causes for dehydration, such as bouts with fever, vomiting and/or diarrhea. Running the heater during winter months is also a cause of dehydration, as are the use of certain drugs, including diuretics, antidepressants, and blood pressure medications.
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